Do I Regret Going to Med School?

This is a question I get asked reasonably frequently. It strikes me as weird, seeing as I have never asked anyone else if they regret their chosen profession, but I guess the rules are different in the world of medicine. I find this question tough to answer, if I'm honest.

On one hand, this is what I dreamed of as a child and young adult. I worked my ass off, I dripped blood, sweat, and tears into my application and celebrated when I was accepted. I think, though, that I had expected the rest of it to be smooth sailing from that point. I had been told by many people that getting accepted was the hardest part, that after that you could cruise your way through and be okay. I quickly realised that was not the case. The only truth I suppose is that getting in really is the hardest part - but only in the sense of competition. You see, twice as many people apply for med each year as there are seats, so it is an incredibly competitive year. I have heard horror stories of people's notes being burnt at parties (although that would be harder now that everything is digital) to sabotage their chances of getting in. It is extremely stressful, not to mention applying alongside a bunch of your friends and then not all of you get in. It can be polarising, and envy runs rampant in those that were not accepted. The only difference really after you are accepted is that you are no longer competing against your classmates. The only competition you have now is yourself. I found this the hardest part to come to terms with. The workload of medicine is outrageous - they expect so much of us that at times it has seemed like too much. Motivation disappears and discipline has to take over, but sometimes even that is not enough. You have to adjust your priorities to figure out what exactly you want to get out of med school - is it good grades? Good friends? A good experience? The other side of this is whatever you choose to prioritise will mean you sacrifice the rest, and med school requires a great deal of sacrifice.

I guess, to answer the question, no, I don't regret my choice to go to med school. That does not mean I don't have days where I wish I was somewhere else, someone else, doing something else. I don't wake up every day excited to practise medicine - a lot of the time I am simply a show pony jumping through hoops to the finish line. What keeps me going are the moments of pure joy, the reminders that I am where I am supposed to be, and looking ahead to where I am going. It is important to find and focus on reasons to stay, because you'll have countless reasons to go. Med school isn't for the faint hearted.

What I do mourn, however, are all the opportunities that I have had to let slip through my fingers in order to pursue the med dream. I recently spent a few days in Sydney visiting a friend who moved there from NZ, and I would be lying if I said the green eyed monster didn't board the plane alongside me. What I would give to have the freedom to up and leave, to throw a dart at a map and move wherever it lands. I will never be her - early 20s and starting a new life somewhere else. I will never know the freedom that offers, to be young and alone, navigating a new country, a new city, a new town. By the time I am granted the freedom to move out of New Zealand I will be mid 30s, and my $120,000 loan will take the window seat. I will sit and watch my friends, who got a single degree then worked full time, travel, buy houses, get married, have kids. While I don't regret the choices I made and the path I took, not a day goes by where I don't mourn the one that would have had me walking alongside them. You could easily counter that by reminding me that I am living out someone else's dream - those that perhaps did not get accepted or have found themselves in a different career, who wish every day that they could be in my shoes. I guess it just goes we are all in search of greener pastures.

To summarise (which you will get used to doing if you are also a med student), no, I don't regret going to med school, but I do mourn the loss of everything else I could have been. The saying goes when one door closes another door opens, but first you had to choose the door that slammed all the others shut. A pessimistic view, perhaps, but med students are taught to work backwards from the worst case scenario. It's in my blood.

Ultimately, I chose to start med school late because I didn't want to get to retirement and regret not trying. I would encourage you to think long and hard about how much of your life you are willing to commit to your career, choose your priorities, envision the life you want for yourself and see if med school fits in that box. It's a lifelong commitment with a great deal of sacrifices, and not a decision you should make lightly. Take it from me.

I sincerely hope it will all be worth it in the end.

I'll see you very soon,

Sydney